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Sunday, 8 January 2012

Would You Like Some Peanut Butter with Your Peanut Butter?

You know how if you eat too many carrots you can turn orange from the beta carotene?  I'm just wondering if the same thing happens if you eat too many goldfish crackers.  I'm also not entirely sure how someone can actually live on goldfish as their main source of nutrition.

You know your kid's eating is bad when she decides to eat some white rice and you're so happy you almost start crying. Okay, I did start crying.

Even though I'm convinced that her terrible eating habits are my fault, I'm pretty sure she was born with this. As a matter of fact I am currently conducting research on mice genomes to isolate the gene combination for food pickyness. Unfortunately it looks like these genes may be closely linked with the genes that give you super cuteness. I'm screwed.

I get loads a great advice on how to manage this problem.  The most helpful was when someone told me that she thinks my kid doesn't eat meat because of the gaps between her cute lil' old baby teeth.  Seriously? What the fuck am I supposed to do about that?! She would actually have to put a piece of meat in her mouth for it to get stuck in her teeth, but thanks, I'm pretty sure I know where to file that info.

When my brother was 4 (so less than a year older than my kiddo) he ate oysters. A lot of oysters.  I'm pretty sure that he didn't graduate to oysters from goldfish crackers. And I'm pretty sure that he ate the oysters because he liked the taste and not because he wanted to get busy with the hot 2 year old drooling all over her sippy cup at the next table.

She's never been one for putting anything new in her mouth. All the other babies would be sucking on all sorts of choking hazards and she was quite content to keep her little mouth shut.  In search for finding the positive in every situation-even though we all know I'm no douche bag optimist-it may come in handy later on in her life to be adverse to putting new items in her mouth. I told my husband this and I think he starting hoping for a lesbian as a daughter. 

Better than being a vegetarian.


  1. You forget your sister who, at this age, ate oatmeal pretty much exclusively. And who would never eat peanut butter, ever. I might also suggest that this weird texture thing could never arise from your side of the gene pool, but I am still busy cutting the tags out of my clothing

  2. Are you talking about the same sister who currently will eat a bag of bridge mixture for supper?

  3. I think it`s a girl thing... Naturally speaking, women and female children would get the choice pick of what ever food was hunted or gathered.

    Out picking barres? Well, your sure as shit not gonna bring home the very best ones you find and just hand them lovingly over to your husband, are you? Even if you like him and respect him and all that crap. No chances! You and your daughter are gonna eat the biggest, ripest ones while your out there picking them and then bring the shittier ones home to give to the boys. Right? Yeah.

    Besides, if you put the ripest ones in with the less ripe ones, their just gonna get squished and make a mess and then no one will get them. ( but that`s a completely different topic that involves complex psychological and physiological paradoxes that I`m simply not willing to go into right now)

    Same goes with the hunted animals... men had rights of passage like... eating the liver of their fresh kill or ``here boy, the eyeballs make you a better hunter, eat them`` Then they would bring the animal back and it would be consumed. But prior to consumption, it would need to be prepared and who do you thing was gonna prepare it? Yup, the girls. So, while they`re preparing it, you think they would be snacking on the lip and assholes or the rump meat....?

    This (as decreed by me) accounts for why female children ( in general) are picker eaters than male children...

    (sorry about the essay)

  4. I found you from "People I want to Punch." Pretty classic rant. Thanks for sharing.